Dear H.A.: How To Reveal To Wife That I Wear Tights?

[This is just my attempt at being funny.]

Dear Hosiery Advocate, how do I let my wife know that I wear tights? My neighbour already knows about her man. I can't believe that my wife has never seen them wear tights once. Every time I mention that they wear tights, my wife won't believe me. Also, she is afraid of what people will think. What do I do?

-- 
Envious, in Esquimalt, British Columbia

Dear Envious In Esquimalt, you won't need the help of your neighbours. Women love to laugh. They love a man of mystery. They love it when a man takes charge. So get in a clown costume and make a fool of yourself. When she is done laughing, then keep on doing it. In fact, do it when you both are in public. After she gets bored and embarrassed, do it a few more times. When she demands to know what is going on, say, I'm just making a fool of myself. At least, it can't get any worse.. When she agrees, say, By the way, I wear tights..

Let me know how that works for you.

-- 
Hosiery Advocate